A freak old lady - story

CONFIRMED: intelligence does come with old age.


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.



Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.



Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Freak leave applications

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my
wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was
performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two
days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:
" as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible
for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I
may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache.
I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my
below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only
husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
" I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a '
Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle
both with good experience, I am applying for the post."

Malayalam Proverbs

Market fail Mother's back.
(Angaadiyil thottathinu Ammayude purathu)

Silent Cat Breaks Pot.
(Mindaa Poocha Kalam Udakkum)

Sand leaning man girl tookwent.
(Mannum Chaari Ninnavan Pennum Kondupoyi)

Life licked by stray dog.
(Jeevitham nayanakki)

Whitening applied becomes white scars.
(Velukkan thechathu pandayi)

Give elephant, but not hope.
(Aana koduthalum aasha kodukaruthu)

If Crow bath, become crane ??
(Kaaka kulichal kokku aagumo??)

If needed jackfruit on root grow.
(Venamengil chakka verilum kaayikkum)

Snake on fence on shoulder no put.
(Veliyil kidanna paambine eduthu tholil idaruthu)

Onam come or Baby born, porridge for KORAN still in leaf.
(Onam vannaalum Unni pirannaalum, Koranu Kanji Kumbilil thanne)

Own baby, for crow, golden baby.
(Kaakkakku Than Kunju Ponkunju)

Foot wrong elephant will also fall.
(Adi thettiyaal aaneyum veezhum)

Friend of Eeenaampechi is TreeDog.
(Eenaampechi kootu marappatti)